Friday, September 5, 2014

Say Goodbye, Don't Follow

I've read a lot of articles lately about how women shouldn't use the fake "I have a boyfriend" excuse to politely turn down men we're not interested in. The main reason being that it asks the person we're turning down to respect the man we're with, while not respecting us or our own personal decisions (i.e. - simply not wanting to date this person, whether we're single or not.)

I understand that, and I do agree. I'm honest to a fault, lying isn't really my thing. And yet... I know that sometimes I'll still do it when I need to. There are far too many people we all encounter who don't, and won't, take "no" for a final answer. They see it as a challenge, or an opportunity to change our feeble minds. After all, if we're not already taken by other men, surely we must want THIS random guy, right?

Did Lisa Simpson teach us nothing?

The truth is that while most men respect and understand that sometimes we're just not interested, just as they might not be interested in us, there are still guys (and women too, I'm certain) who get too pushy. And in those cases, it can be much easier to just admit defeat, make up a fake significant other, and move on without being bothered further. Because those situations can escalate quickly.

Case in point - last week I was walking the dog around my neighbourhood. Daisy loves all humans to an annoying degree, so she must stop and wait for each of them to pet her before we can move on. And trust me, her brakes are powerful.

There was a guy sitting on the corner with his bike, and Daisy did her usual "I'm stopping so you can give me attention" routine. This guy went nuts over her (it was a bit much), and then told me that I had pretty hair. He started man-handling the dog and throwing her on his lap. I asked him not to do that, as she has a leg injury. He said, "I'm not hurting her! She loves me." and kept fawning over her, saying strange things. When he asked me if she was my boyfriend's dog, where I lived, if I would let him take my picture (hell no), and if I'd go for a drink with him, I knew it was time to grab the dog and move on.

Well, I tried.

I was polite, I declined and then let him know that Daisy and I needed to keep walking. I called the dog and she started to move away from him, but he grabbed her and held on. "She doesn't want to go, she loves me! You should, too."

Creepy like Michael Cera with a mustache.
I said, "You need to let go of her so she can come with me.", but he wouldn't. He said that he would walk with us so that the dog wouldn't have to leave him. He followed me as I walked, and I asked him not to. Again, being as honest as possible, I told him it made me uncomfortable. So he said, "I'll just walk along with you from the other side of the street and we can still talk and plan our drinks". Y'know, the drinks I had already declined.

When he crossed the street, he asked where I lived again and said it's great that I'm single. Luckily Daisy's creep radar finally kicked in, and she dragged me in the opposite direction. Yup, we ran away.

Moral of this long-winded story? If I hadn't gone the honesty route and just casually mentioned that Daisy belonged to me and my imaginary-yet-super-awesome live-in boyfriend, I could have avoided all of that unnecessary mess and gone about my day. And truthfully, that guy was pretty tame compared to many other stories I could tell. While no one should have to lie about their relationship status in order to make people leave us alone, sometimes it's a necessary evil. And until everyone can take polite rejection in stride, we have to do whatever keeps us safe and un-bothered. For me, that means I'll lie when I need to.

(Although maybe a better lie would be that I'm a killerbitch robot from the future, sent back in time to destroy all men - bet that'd keep them away, too. I'll try it next time.)


Masuka said...

Shoulda kicked him in the nuts.

Kris Goetz said...

Some guys like that.

Kurtys said...

You have my permission to use me and/or my likeness as your 6'9", 280lb over-protective fake boyfriend! Seriously!

Mr Auto-Caress said...

I guess if you find yourself in a situation of unwanted attention, do something unpleasant to deter the person rather than confront them. If I was a woman getting unwanted attention, I'd pick my nose or itch my bum and sniff my fingers. I guarantee this will put-off 97.3% of men.

Having said that, If I was a woman I'd spend my days at home naked, jumping up and down in front of a mirror giggling.

Kris Goetz said...

Hahaha, thanks Kurtys!

Kris Goetz said...

Hahahaha. There's an image I can't get out of my head now!

But wouldn't you also have a bunch of girls over for pillow fights?

Mr Auto-Caress said...

Yes! I'd have pillow fights every Sunday. All participants would adhere to my strict pastel underwear policy; Lots of bouncing, jumping, jiggling and giggling! In my mildly twisted mind it all happens in slow-motion.

JimmerJammer said...

What the fuck? Did that really happen? Seriously this is beyond creepy. I'd say next time take your hands off my dog you damn dirty ape.

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