Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Words Are Blunt Instruments, Words Are A Sawed-Off Shotgun

Every once in awhile I get deep into this conversation. Most people disagree with my particular views on the subject, but it's a topic that has continuously popped up over the years - so that must mean I feel pretty strongly about it. And that I'm stubborn.

The conversation - or debate, as is usually the case - is about whether or not it's important to have the same music tastes as the person you're dating.

Is it a big deal? Do you care?

Ha. Nope.

My stance is always that it's pretty important, it's a trait I look for, and something that makes a huge difference to me. It's rare that someone agrees with me on the subject, though. So even though I've briefly blogged about this topic before, here's where I get more in-depth and state my case (aka: get a bit defensive).

My friend Geoff and I have had a few conversations recently about dating in general and what we look for in significant others. We're very different people - we have pretty different tastes in most things. So whenever I mention that a love of music is important in the person I'm dating, he thinks it's kinda nuts. Fair enough. That's why I felt it was time for another discussion, but this time with you wonderful weirdos.

Here's the main point: you want to have things in common with the person you're dating, right? You want to share experiences with them. If you're sports obsessed, you likely wouldn't be with a person who hates all things athletic. If you live for travelling, you wouldn't get serious with a person who never wants to leave the house.

Well, it's the same thing.

This is a concert. Concerts are fun. Tell your friends. (10 points if you can guess the band.)

If music is important to me, why is it bad that I'd want to share that interest? There is nothing better than sharing new music with someone, or listening to a band that we both really dig. Music creates a bonding experience. I'd love nothing more than to have someone to go to all the shows with - that one has proven tough, but I remain optimistic.

Music is a big part of me. A big part of who I am, what I'm into, and how I operate. And when I'm dating someone with completely different tastes (or worse, who doesn't like music at all. Yikes.), it's like a communication gap - we're speaking different languages. No comprende. Je ne comprende pas.

Trust me, I've tried it.

Even murderous sociopaths liked Undertow

I'm not unreasonable, though. I'm well aware that I won't ever find someone as Deftones-obsessed as me. Or who loves all things Maynard, Thom, Josh, & Brody like I do. Most of my long-term serious relationships were not with guys who liked every band I did; often just a key few.

Tastes don't have to be exact, but some crossover and an open mind go a long way in this case. Introducing each other to new tunes is part of the overall benefit to dating a fellow music dork.

I'd never expect a person to like all the other things I like, either. I don't need a guy who loves to read like I do. I don't need someone who wants to make friends with every single dog he passes on the street, like I do. I don't require someone who will understand all of my random Simpsons references (though we'll work on that one). But music? Yeah. I need some common ground there. I need them to "get" it, in order to "get" me. It's an intangible connection, one that often goes hand-in-hand with the right chemistry.

So there. I've said my piece. Now you're all invited to tell me how wrong and delusional I am - I welcome your input, I know not everyone is the same. But I won't be swayed. This chick knows what she needs.

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