Thursday, November 10, 2016

We Are A Fever, We Ain't Born Typical

It's been awhile since I posted a proper rant on here. You guys have all missed them, right?

Ah, probably not.

Either way, this one needs to be done. First, let's start with a general statement that everyone should agree on before reading any further. Ready?

We need to stop telling women what they should be doing with their bodies. 

That's number one. Are we all on the same page here? Good.

Don't you tell me what to do. You're not my parole officer.

Because here's the real point of this post, and it's a personal one for me due to age and, well... gender. I have a big problem with people telling women that they need to be having babies. Especially the way it's thrown upon women in their thirties. Comments like: "When are you going to have kids? Time's running out!" and "Clock is ticking! You're not getting any younger." or "Everyone else is having babies, you should have one before it's too late."

Uh... really? Wow. As adult women we had NO IDEA that we have a time limit. Thank you so much for this unsolicited information, we will surely go find the first man available and get procreating for the good of all humanity!

Nope. Sorry.

We know. We know that pregnancy gets harder as we get older, and we know that fertility decreases as we age. We get it. How could we not know, when every possible media outlet aimed at women is quick to tell us so?

It may be a surprise to some, but not every woman wants babies. I know many amazing women who have zero plans to spawn, and they're quite happy about it. And that's fantastic. Just as it's wonderful that many others have babies (or will have them) and make kickass moms. Yay women. Yay personal decisions.

Even when a woman does plan to have children one day, literally no one has the right to make her feel pressured to do so, or to ask when it will happen. Not your body - not your business. We all have our own internal conversations that you don't need to be privy to, unless we decide to share with you.

Sarah Silverman makes her own damn choices.
For me personally, I had always wanted two kids. It was all planned out - I thought I'd be married and have at least one kid by 28. Well, now I'm 33. It didn't happen. And that's good because if it had, it means I would've had a child with the wrong person. As it stands now, I do still think I want to have one kid. I decided last year that if I was still single at 35, I'd have one on my own. The beauty of it being my decision is that it can change if needed. If 35 comes and I'm not at all ready, no one can tell me it has to happen. And if I get serious with someone and we decide to have one at some point, that's cool too.

It's up to me. Plain and simple.

Part of me wishes I had started younger, because I'd love to give my parents some grandkids. They'd be amazing grandparents, and I always wanted that for them. I still do. But that isn't a good enough reason to bring another human into the world right now. If it's a conscious decision it has to be for the right reasons. My reasons. Because I'm ready and it's what I want, not because my biological clock is scaring the shit out of me, or because the pressure from those around me was too much to bear.

Some people make babies. Some people steal them.
And that goes for every woman out there. When you tell them they're "running out of time", or ask when they're going to start popping out babies, you're putting unnecessary guilt and pressure on them. Your opinions and views shouldn't matter for a decision this important, and yet they can hold weight. When someone asks me why I don't have children yet, I feel like a failure. I feel like I let everyone down. I get physically uncomfortable and a bit emotional. Not a great reaction.

Let's also consider for a moment that not everyone is able to have children. The sheer insensitivity of society's constant pressure to procreate is staggering - and unnecessary. You can't know a woman's situation unless you are that woman. As a general rule, we all need to think long and hard about that before saying a word.

Speaking for myself, there are things I need to do before little carbon copy Kristens are running around in Deftones onesies, babbling along to Zeppelin songs. And while I realize that time is not on my side (thanks to everyone constantly reminding me), things have changed. Women are safely having babies later than they used to. If the day comes that I really want a kid and I'm not physically able to, there's always adoption. There are different avenues, different possibilities, and my choice can't depend on pressure from outside sources. No woman needs that, no matter her age.

So to end this lengthy rant, allow me to re-iterate what I opened with: We need to stop telling women what they should be doing with their bodies. Instead, let's try asking a question and having a conversation. "Do you think about having kids someday?" is perfectly fine under the right circumstances, but please - accept the answer. No opinions. No judgement. No pressure.

So simple, my currently non-existent child could understand it. (He's really smart, though.)

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